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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27689738">right up to the moon and back</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/besidemethewholedamntime/pseuds/besidemethewholedamntime'>besidemethewholedamntime</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon-Compliant, Comfort, F/M, Family, Fluff, Future Fic, Gen, Post-Canon, father/daughter moments</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 06:42:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,854</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27689738</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/besidemethewholedamntime/pseuds/besidemethewholedamntime</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Hey, monkey,” he says softly, coming properly into the room. “You’re still up?”</i>
</p>
<p>  <i>Two impossibly blue eyes blink back at him. “Yeah. Can’t sleep.”</i></p>
<p>  <i>“I thought you might not be able to.” He hadn’t been able to explain it, the feeling in his gut that told him she would still be awake when he decided to walk in here, but he just knew. There’s an intuition he’s acquired with becoming a father, one he’s honed over the years with Jemma. There are a great many things he knows now that he wouldn’t be able to explain if he tried. </i></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Fitz and Alya speak about the arrival of a new baby, and what it might mean. A soft father/daughter moment.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>106</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>right up to the moon and back</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Springmagpies/gifts">Springmagpies</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is for Maggie, who is one of the loveliest beans ever!! Maggie, I've been wanting to gift you something for so long but I had no idea what to make you, and then you said how much you like father/daughter things but my muse just wouldn't co-operate with me and then I saw these pictures of Alya and Fitz on Twitter yesterday and it inspired this which I thought would be quite nice for you? You're always so wonderfully lovely and kind and I just thought you might like this &lt;3</p>
<p>There's not much else to say about this other than, in order for this to work into the timeline I have in my head, Jemma's really got to be pregnant in the series finale, but since there's nothing actually saying she's not, I'm just going with it ;)</p>
<p>The title is from the book 'Guess How Much I Love You' which is really just the sweetest thing ever </p>
<p>I hope you enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alya’s curtains are closed and her lamp that projects pictures onto her walls is doing just that – tonight, it seems, she has chosen the stars, instead of the underwater scene that is her current favourite. Although Alya is a typical four-year-old and her choices change like the weather, Fitz has begun to notice a pattern when it comes to her lamp. The stars are for when she’s missing the way things used to be, for when she needs something to remind her of the first home she ever knew. It’s been almost a year, but Alya has a long memory, and sometimes he checks in on her before he goes to sleep and finds her just staring at the stars as they whirl around on her ceiling and walls, as transfixed by them as she always has been.</p>
<p>She’s awake now. He knew she would be. It takes a moment to find her, small as she is, nestled in amongst her duvet and all of the teddies and monkeys and other fluffy animals that people have thought it necessary to buy her, but once he does it’s impossible to miss her.</p>
<p>“Hey, monkey,” he says softly, coming properly into the room. “You’re still up?”</p>
<p>Two impossibly blue eyes blink back at him. “Yeah. Can’t sleep.”</p>
<p>“I thought you might not be able to.” He hadn’t been able to explain it, the feeling in his gut that told him she would still be awake when he decided to walk in here, but he just knew. There’s an intuition he’s acquired with becoming a father, one he’s honed over the years with Jemma. There are a great many things he knows now that he wouldn’t be able to explain if he tried.</p>
<p>He gestures to the foot of her bed. “Can I sit down?”</p>
<p>The little head nods. “Uh-huh.” As Fitz sits by her toes, she asks, “Do you want a monkey to hold?”</p>
<p>It’s something she’s done since the moment she could talk, offer her stuffed monkeys to her parents or Enoch for them to hold. <em>It’s not fair if only one gets cuddled </em>she always used to say. None of them have ever refused her when she has asked, and frequently Fitz used to find himself working on some design or other with a monkey strapped to him the way Alya once was.</p>
<p>“Always,” he assures her. “Who do I get tonight?”</p>
<p>She looks to her left and then to her right, at the monkeys tucked up next to her. “Percy,” she says decisively. “You’re his favourite.”</p>
<p>Fitz takes the little brown monkey out from next to her. He’s slightly lopsided and has odd buttons for eyes. Fitz made him himself and he vividly remembers doing it, pricking himself so many times with the sewing needle that Jemma took it out of his hands and sent him to do something else. Lowering his voice and with a conspirational tone, he says, “Well don’t tell the others, but I think Percy is my favourite, too.”</p>
<p>“It’s okay, Daddy. They already know.”</p>
<p>He chuckles. “Well, that’s alright then. As long as they know.”</p>
<p>She giggles, like bubbles popping in the air. The soundtrack of his heart. “Anyway,” he begins, settling Percy the Monkey comfortably on his knee. “I wanted to talk to you about what Mummy and I told you earlier.”</p>
<p>“About the baby?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” he says slowly. “About that.”</p>
<p>She’d been excited when he and Jemma had first told her, full of incessant questions the way she always is about anything new. <em>Will they have to sleep in my room? When will they be here? Will they be here all the time? Where do babies come from? Abby in my nursery class has a sister that she plays with, will I get to play with the new baby, too? </em>She’d been on Jemma’s lap and had pressed her ear to Jemma’s stomach to see if she could ‘hear’ the baby and had declared that she could, and that she thought it sounded like a fish.</p>
<p>But as the day had worn on she had become quieter and contemplative, and at the dinner table she had pushed her spaghetti around on her plate with disinterest, even though usually she’s as enthusiastic about food as her father. He and Jemma had watched her, exchanging worried glances, but in the end had decided to leave her to it. Neither of them has siblings, and maybe this was just something she needed to do.</p>
<p>Except by the time Alya had had her bath and been tucked in, she was barely monosyllabic and when Jemma had left her room she’d seen Alya stick her thumb in her mouth in a way she hadn’t done since she was nine months old. Unable to forget about it, knowing Jemma wouldn’t be able to either, he’s decided they have to talk.</p>
<p>So now he taps his daughter gently on the leg through her duvet and asks her, “How are you feeling about it?”</p>
<p>She bites her bottom lip, something she’s inherited from Jemma. “Fine.”</p>
<p>He raises an eyebrow. “Just fine? You were so excited earlier.”</p>
<p>She presses her lips together, eyes widening as though she doesn’t know what to say. Fitz supposes it’s a lot for her to try and explain. She’s only four, he must remember, though the <em>only </em>part he almost forgets. She’s <em>four </em>almost <em>five</em> and all he can think is how can this be? She’s his baby, always will be. Surely that means she always remains one?</p>
<p>“It’s okay if you’re not excited, you know,” he tells her. “You don’t have to pretend to be.”</p>
<p>“I am excited,” she says quickly, almost plaintively. “I really am excited.”</p>
<p>“But something’s changed,” he says softly. “You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to just yet. We just want you to know you <em>can.</em> We wouldn’t be angry.”</p>
<p>Alya nibbles her bottom lip again. “I know.”</p>
<p>“I know it’s a big change for you, and you’ve had to deal with so many big changes already, so if there’s anything at all that-”</p>
<p>“Do we have to go back to space?”</p>
<p>He blinks at her. After four years he is often so very caught off guard. “What?”</p>
<p>“When the new baby comes, do we have to go back to space?”</p>
<p>“Oh, no. Of course we don’t. Why would you think that?”</p>
<p>“I dunno.” She gives a little half-hearted shrug. “When I was a baby we were in space.”</p>
<p>“That was…” what was it exactly? “… different, monkey. We had to be in space then. We don’t have to be there now.”</p>
<p>Her brow furrows, meaning she doesn’t quite understand but she decides not to ask about it. “Good,” she says decisively. “I like it here.”</p>
<p>The wonder Alya finds in Earth has yet to fade. Everything holds a certain kind of magic. The friends she’s made and the family she has won over. She’s made quite the life here. They all have.</p>
<p>He smiles at her. “So do I.”</p>
<p>“Percy likes it, too.”</p>
<p>“Of course,” he says, faux-gravely. “Whatever is best for Percy.”</p>
<p>She pushes herself out of the covers a little bit, struggling up onto her elbows. The static has made her hair stick up in all directions, and it looks like she has a little blonde halo around her head. She holds out her arms and Fitz scoops her up, settling her on his knee. In the process, he puts Percy down onto the bed beside him, but Alya shoots him a look and gathers her monkey into her arms with the one already there.</p>
<p>Fitz cradles her gently, frowning over the top of her head. While he is always more than willing to hold his daughter in such a way, it feels almost unsettling now.</p>
<p>“You okay?” He asks her, as she presses her face against his t-shirt.</p>
<p>Alya takes a deep breath, and Fitz is utterly unprepared for how <em>small </em>her voice is next.</p>
<p>“Will you and Mummy have to go away again?”</p>
<p>At first he doesn’t quite understand. Looking down at her, he asks, “What do you mean, sweetheart?”</p>
<p>“Do you have to leave me again?”</p>
<p><em>Oh. </em>Her sad little question pushes the air from his chest and squeezes his heart and automatically his arms hold her just that little bit tighter to him. It’s a moment before he can answer, before he can do anything except just sit there, struck down by seven little words, but most especially the one at the end.</p>
<p>
  <em>Again. </em>
</p>
<p>He knows words can hurt, of course. He’s felt the sting of them so many times in the past. But this feeling is visceral, a cutting somewhere deep down inside of himself. <em>Again. </em>What a question for his four-year-old daughter to have to ask.</p>
<p>“It wasn’t <em>too </em>scary,” she says, looking down at her monkeys, fiddling with their ears. “But I didn’t like it.”</p>
<p>“No,” he says, in a strangulated voice. Tears burn in his eyes and he has to look upwards for a moment so they don’t fall on her head. “Neither did I.”</p>
<p>“At least it wasn’t a long time.” Her little face brightens and she looks up at her father. “And you both came back.”</p>
<p>“We did,” he nods, a lump in his throat. “We always come back.”</p>
<p>It’s something she’s struggled with in the past year, the notion of leaving and coming back. When they dropped her off for her first day at nursery, she had clung to them and begged them not to leave her, and it had taken everything Fitz had not to scoop her up and take her home. Jemma had been calmer and had patiently explained that they would come back when both hands of the clock reached the twelve, but Fitz could see that it had cut her up even more than it had him, and the whole car journey home she had held his hand and refused to let it go.</p>
<p>“So do you have to leave me then?”</p>
<p>“No,” he assures her, shaking his head. “No, we’re not leaving you, alright? You’ll never be on your own like that ever again.”</p>
<p>“Promise?”</p>
<p>He nods, a lump in his throat. “I promise.”</p>
<p>She beams at him. “That’s alright then. You and Mummy never break your promises. Ever.”</p>
<p>“Never ever,” he repeats, feeling the weight of such a responsibility. “But, monkey, is this what you’ve been worrying about all day?”</p>
<p>Her bottom lip trips out again. “Uh-huh.”</p>
<p>“Oh, Alya…” he breathes. “Why didn’t you say anything? You didn’t have to be worrying about that.”</p>
<p>She begins to fiddle with the monkey’s ears again. “You and Mummy look sad when you talk about going away. I didn’t want to make you sad.”</p>
<p>“Alya,” he says, softly yet firmly at the same time. When she doesn’t look up he gently tips her chin up with his forefinger and thumb until her eyes meet his. “I’m going to tell you something and it’s very important. I need you to listen carefully and remember it, yeah?”</p>
<p>The last time he used these exact words he asked her to stay in her bed and not move out of it, no matter what she saw or heard. He had sat her down and made her repeat it over and over again, aware he was frightening her but not knowing what else to do. Even now, when everything has turned out alright, the memory of it brings a bitter taste to the back of his throat and sometimes the memory of her eyes, wide and scared with the tone of voice that he had never used with her, not once, still haunts his dreams.</p>
<p>She bites her lip before nodding slowly. “Okay, Daddy.”</p>
<p>“I need you to know that you can always tell us anything, monkey. Anything. Even if you think it’s going to make us sad. Especially then.”</p>
<p>“But I don’t like it when you’re sad.”</p>
<p>“I know you don’t,” he sighs. “And it’s not very nice to feel sad, but sometimes we do and that’s okay. It’s never your fault. And the last thing we would ever want is for you to be worried or scared about something and feeling like you couldn’t ask us about it.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” she sighs reluctantly.</p>
<p>“No, not ‘okay’. I need you to promise, alright? The way I just promised you that you’ll never be left again the way you were. I need you to promise me like that.”</p>
<p>“Daddy,” she says, holding his gaze solemnly, “I promise.”</p>
<p>“Excellent,” he tells her, kissing her on the forehead. “Now come on then, the three little monkeys need to get back into bed to get their beauty sleep.”</p>
<p>Alya giggles but clambers off of him, taking her two monkeys with her back under the duvet. Fitz makes sure all three are tucked up nice and tightly like they were before, and soon it’s just a little white face peeping out from the covers, blue eyes sparkling with the wonders of the world.</p>
<p>The lump is still in his throat and, swallowing past it, he says, “Hey, monkey, you know the new baby won’t change the way Mummy and I love you, right? How much we love you.”</p>
<p>“<em>Daddy,</em>” Alya huffs, rolling her eyes and looking exactly like her mother whilst doing so, “I <em>know.</em>”</p>
<p>He quirks an eyebrow. “Oh, you do, do you?”</p>
<p>“Of course, I do,” she tells him quite seriously. “More than <em>all </em>the stars in <em>all </em>of the skies.” She grins. “You say that <em>all </em>of the time.”</p>
<p>He can’t help but grin, too, feeling utterly at a loss with this tiny tearaway who owns him completely. “You’re a cheeky monkey,” he tells her, bopping her on the nose. “But you’re right. I guess we do tell you quite a bit.”</p>
<p>Her grin becomes even wide and, with blue eyes dancing, she says, “You love me more than a<em>nything</em>.”</p>
<p>Fitz could never deny it and he feels the lump get bigger. “That we do, monkey. That we do.”</p>
<p>Alya suddenly shoots upwards and wraps her arms around his neck, whispering into his ear, “I love you more than anything, too.”</p>
<p>He holds her tightly for a moment, unable to say anything except enjoy this feeling while it lasts. He’s thankful she can’t see the tears in his eyes. By the time she lets go and tucks herself back into bed they are gone, but his heart and the lump in his throat have tripled in size.</p>
<p>“You love me even more than Mummy?” He teases her, enjoying the momentary look of horror on her face.</p>
<p>“No,” she says, “Don’t be silly. I love you the same. I love both of you more than anything in the whole <em>world.</em>” Then she pauses as if thinking. “And space. More than anything there ever is ever.”</p>
<p>“Now you’re just trying to one-up me,” he tells her. “But I appreciate the sentiment.”</p>
<p>Her face screws up and she tilts her head on the pillow. “What does ‘sen – i– mint’ mean?”</p>
<p>Fitz chuckles. “I’ll tell you in the morning.” And kissing her on the forehead once again, he whispers, “Now bedtime.”</p>
<p>He stands up, knees creaking as he does so. God, he’s getting old. He has one hand on the door handle when there’s a soft, “Daddy?” from behind him.</p>
<p>Trying not to sigh he turns back to the bed. “Yeah, monkey?”</p>
<p>“Can I choose the name for the baby?”</p>
<p>Alya’s latest fish creations have been christened with names such as Bartholomew and Gerald (something he blames entirely on his mum for letting her watch the black and white film channel whilst they were visiting) and, whilst they somehow suit her fish, it’s not entirely what he had in mind for their new baby.</p>
<p>With a smile he hopes doesn’t look too much like a wince, he says, “We’ll see, how about that?”</p>
<p>“Fine,” she huffs, but he knows she won’t let it go. He turns around again but then there’s a “Daddy, can you change my lamp before you go?”</p>
<p>Swallowing a sigh, he says, “What do you want it changed to?”</p>
<p>“The fishes, please. I like to swim with them in my sleep.”</p>
<p>He gives her a puzzled look before relenting. It’s been almost five years. He should know better by now than to question it. “Of course you do.” Once the lamp has been changed, he asks, “Now is that everything? Can I leave you be?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” she says definitively. “Goodnight, Daddy.” And then she screws her eyes up tightly as if to make out as though she has already fallen asleep.</p>
<p>He sighs wearily as he pauses at the door, a smile on his face. Sometimes he still can’t believe that she’s theirs – this funny, wonderful daughter that he wouldn’t change for all the world. He looks at her and everything is instantly worth it. It still takes his breath away, how much he loves her.</p>
<p>“Goodnight, monkey,” he says quietly, and steps out, the fish from the lamp swimming seamlessly onto the door as he shuts it softly behind him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for reading - I hope you enjoyed this! Please feel free to leave kudos/comments. Please feel free not to. Either way, I hope you're having a lovely day and are all managing to stay safe and well &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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